"Any chance you could possibly try to get your shit together this year? Seriously. Enough is enough."
"Hey, check out my balls"
"Merry Whatever -That should just about cover everything"
"Wishing You Season's Beatings"
"Merry and Bright"
"You're at the top of my list of grievances. Seriously. Numero uno."
"Oh, grow up.
"Wanna check out my pole?"
"Celebrate whatever you want. Or don't celebrate anything at all. I don't even care anymore"
"Warmest thoughts and best wishes for a wonderful Christmas and a very Happy New Year. (Blah blah blah, and all that crap)"
"Ho! Ho! Ho!"
"I know you are,
but what am I?"
Happy holidays anyway."
"Happy New Year"
HOLIDAY JERK CARDS
"Late one night at half-past two
I heard a rustling noise
Silly me, I never knew
Santa was bringing toys!
I ran downstairs and got my gun
But tripped over the tree
I put a bullet in his head,
Now all the kids hate me!
The funeral was very nice;
They spoke fine things of him,
I showed up to pay my respects,
But they would not let me in.
The kids throw stones, they egg my house
And think it's really funny
But come April I have the last laugh
when I kill their Easter Bunny"
"Just spreading some holiday cheer. Goddammit, where the hell is the eggnog?"