"Any chance you could possibly try to get your shit together this year? Seriously.  Enough is enough."

"Hey, check out my balls"

"Merry Whatever -That should just about cover everything"

"Wishing You Season's Beatings"

"Merry and Bright"

"You're at the top of my list of grievances.  Seriously.  Numero uno."

"Oh, grow up.  

Happy Holidays"

​"Wanna check​ out my pole?"

"Celebrate whatever you want.  Or don't celebrate anything at all.  I don't even care anymore"

"Season's Beatings"

"Happy Festivus"  

​"Warmest thoughts and best wishes for a wonderful Christmas and a very Happy New Year.  (Blah blah blah, and all that crap)"

$4.50 each

"Ho! Ho! Ho!"

"I know you are, 
​but what am I?"

"Unlike yourself.

Happy holidays anyway."

"Happy New Year"


"Late one night at half-past two

I heard a rustling noise

Silly me, I never knew

Santa was bringing toys!

I ran downstairs and got my gun

But tripped over the tree

I put a bullet in his head,

Now all the kids hate me!

The funeral was very nice; 

They spoke fine things of him,

I showed up to pay my respects, 

But they would not let me in.

The kids throw stones, they egg my house

And think it's really funny

But come April I have the last laugh

when I kill their Easter Bunny"

"Just spreading some holiday cheer.  Goddammit, where the hell is the eggnog?"