"Another year has gone by...
Happy Birthday to you!
On a related note, have you looked into pre-arranged funerals yet?  Just asking...

"You turned 40!
I guess you'd better get your will updated, eh?  Like, soon.  P.S. Can I have your stuff?"

"You're finally 18!
Now you can (and eventually will) be tried as an adult!"

"You're turning 60?
For real?  I totally thought you did that, like, 10 years ago... My bad."

"Happy Birthday!
I can't believe you're still alive!"

"You're turning 30!
Could you please act like it for Christ's sake?"

"You're 75!
Your age finally matches your I.Q."

"65

Bright side: maybe now you can get a senior's discount on cremation services!"

​"With Sympathy
​I mean "happy birthday". (Though, at your age, I'd say the difference is negligible)"

"I missed your birthday...
But just so you know, it's not always about you."

So, you're another year older.  Big deal.  
​Here you'll find general birthday cards, belated birthday greetings, and specific age cards!
 

"You're 50!
I'd say 'happy birthday' but statistically speaking, you're a lot closer to your 'death day'."

"80
Happy (potentially final) birthday!"

"Another Birthday...and yet you continue to behave like a petulant child."

"Roses are red,
Violets are blue,
It's your birthday...
...and poems are stupid."

"Celebrate your birthday!  You probably don't have very many left.  What?  I'm just saying."

"You're turning 70!
I wouldn't make too many long-range plans, if you catch my drift..."

JERK BIRTHDAY CARDS

$6.00 each

"You're 25!
Experts say that your brain should be fully developed at this point.  You may want to look into that."

"I know it's your birthday... but I'm still not going to spank you, so stop asking, damnit."