"Cheer up

"Dear Teacher, you made it through the year!  You can now start using your "summer mouth".


Thinking of You

Thank You, Teacher

"I believe in you
But I also believe in the Sasquatch, so..."

"For my favourite cat lady
Congratulations!  Your house only smells like piss when it's hot outside.
P.S. Get an air-conditioner"


"Toodaloo to you... and your bullshit."

"You can do it!
Or maybe you can't.  What the hell do I know?"

"Thinking of you
...which is amazing because I'm usually thinking about myself."


Thank You

"For my teacher...

I appreciate everything you've done this year, almost enough to include a liquor store gift card.  Almost."

"Thank you
Here is the obligatory thank-you card that I'm supposed to send, in response to the obligatory gift that I recently received from you."

"Guess what!  You're the least assholic of all my friends.  Get your shit together."

With Sympathy

Get Well


I guess..."

"Hey Teacher, the school year is over!  So, feel free to take a whiz whenever you want."

"Get well soon.  Please know that my Voodoo Doll has absolutely nothing to do with this.  Absolutely nothing."

"I'm really sorry
I take it back.  Untuck you."


"Best Wishes
Let's be honest, here.  We both know I actually mean half-assed wishes..."

Blank Inside


Say it with contempt or indifference!

"Get better soon!  Because as of right now, you leave a lot to be desired..."

"With sympathy
For real.  I'm not a TOTAL asshole."

"Get well soon.  Is it syphilis?  It's syphilis, isn't it?  Please don't touch me."

$6.00 each

"Blank inside (kind of like you)"

No, really... I'm serious.  Get the hell out of here."

For a Cat Lady

You finally did something important!
Well, sort of..."