Thank You, Teacher

"Get well soon.  Please know that my Voodoo Doll has absolutely nothing to do with this.  Absolutely nothing."

"I'm really sorry
I take it back.  Untuck you."


"Best Wishes
Let's be honest, here.  We both know I actually mean half-assed wishes..."

Blank Inside

"I believe in you
But I also believe in the Sasquatch, so..."

"For my favourite cat lady
Congratulations!  Your house only smells like piss when it's hot outside.
P.S. Get an air-conditioner"


"Toodaloo to you... and your bullshit."

"You can do it!
Or maybe you can't.  What the hell do I know?"


Say it with contempt or indifference!

"Get better soon!  Because as of right now, you leave a lot to be desired..."

Welcome Back!

"With sympathy
For real.  I'm not a TOTAL asshole."

"Thinking of you
...which is amazing because I'm usually thinking about myself."


Thank You

"Get well soon.  Is it syphilis?  It's syphilis, isn't it?  Please don't touch me."

$6.00 each

"Blank inside (kind of like you)"

"For my teacher...

I appreciate everything you've done this year, almost enough to include a liquor store gift card.  Almost."

"Thank you
Here is the obligatory thank-you card that I'm supposed to send, in response to the obligatory gift that I recently received from you."

No, really... I'm serious.  Get the hell out of here."

"Guess what!  You're the least assholic of all my friends.  Get your shit together."

With Sympathy

"Good Luck! 
'Cause Lord knows you won't be able to rely on skill, expertise, or good looks."

Get Well

"Hey Teacher, the school year is over!  So, feel free to take a whiz whenever you want."

"Hey, you're back! 
Kind of like herpes."

"Dear Teacher, you made it through the year!  You can now start using your "summer mouth".


Thinking of You

For a Cat Lady

"Cheer up

I guess..."

Good Luck!


You finally did something important!
Well, sort of..."